you have to choose: penises or morals?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
