It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize