I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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