I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
