I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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