He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
