hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
