I look better un-naked...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
