but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
