TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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