I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
