my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
