I smell stomach acid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
