So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
