another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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