Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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