if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
