i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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