so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize