is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
