My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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