would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
