Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
