I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
