Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
