she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
