would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
