Me. At least after what I've been through.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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