If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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