Ambien. No doubt about it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
