So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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