I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
