Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
