I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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