The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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