hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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