Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
