my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
