Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
