Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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