While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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