He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize