just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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