If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
