we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
