Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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