I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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