it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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