the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
