Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
