Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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