Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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