Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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