The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
