Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
