Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
