well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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