I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
