Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
