The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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