Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
