If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
im on a boat
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