Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
