I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
