I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize