I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
