Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
