Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize