These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
