omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
