he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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